


Androids of the Corn (Maze)

by burglebezzlement



Category: The Orville (TV)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Celebrations, Corn Mazes, Gen, Halloween, In SPAAAAAAAAACE, Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-09 18:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16455293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burglebezzlement/pseuds/burglebezzlement
Summary: The crew of the Orville celebrates Halloween, Isaac-style.





	Androids of the Corn (Maze)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silveradept](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silveradept/gifts).



“It’s festive.”

Ed says it defensively. The team’s been lost in Ed’s environmental simulator corn maze program for over an hour now. The simulated sun baking down on them. The simulated corn waving in the simulated breeze. 

Ed would split the party, but the environmental simulator can only handle one group wandering at a time. Probably for the best. He doesn’t want to have to watch his back for attempted corn maze mutiny.

“Festive for who?” Gordon asks, skeptically. 

Ed wants to sneak a look at the map, but he’s not willing to admit that he, the person who designed the program, is lost. “We used to do real corn mazes, like with actual corn, when I was growing up in Boxford, Massachusetts. Back on Earth. It’s a harvest festival thing.”

Isaac cocks his head to the side. “This seems like a waste of arable land. I am constantly surprised that humans achieved space flight.”

“Isaac, humans sometimes prioritize fun,” Kelly explains, from the back of the group.

Bortus surveys the endless corn with stoic resignation. “I do not believe that this is… fun.”

“This is fun!” Ed protests. “It’s almost Halloween back on Earth. I just wanted to share my people’s traditions with you all.”

“This program is ineffective at providing recreation, and inefficient at sharing traditions.” Issac is silent for a moment, in a way Ed has learned can be a bad omen. “I accept this challenge, Captain. I will organize a Halloween event.”

“You?” Ed snorts. “Issac, you’re a very talented science officer, but I don’t think you understand human recreation.”

Isaac ignores him, and burbles out a string of high-pitched noises. Around them, the corn ripples out of existence, revealing the underlying structure of the environmental simulator.

“Two weeks, Captain,” Isaac says. “Prepare the crew. I will plan the event. It will be… festive.”

* * *

When Ed arrives in Cargo Bay Four, he has to take a step back to look at the door plate to make sure he’s in the right place. The interior of the cargo bay has been remade, covered with festive decorations, and there’s a down-home hoedown song playing from the bay’s speakers. There’s a holo-petting zoo filled with animals from all over the quadrant, and bobbing for apples, and a dunk tank, where Bortus sits quietly, facing the crowd on a shelf above the water, while crew members throw old-fashioned softballs at a trigger plate.

 _Half the kids on the ship must be here_ , Ed thinks. Not just the kids, either. There’s a wood floor in the corner, and he sees Gordon and LaMarr, showing Dann the steps of a dance Ed’s never seen before. Beside them, Yaphit extends and retracts his pseudopods to the beat of the music, a straw cowboy hat askew on his main body mass.

The celebrations aren’t confined to the cargo bay, either. There are signs pointing down the hall, where the environmental simulator has been set up with a program of a haunted house.

Kelly sidles up to Ed. “So?”

“The bastard pulled it off.” Ed sits down heavily on a bale of hay Isaac must have coaxed out of the matter synthesizer. It makes his ass itch, just like the real stuff.

“Yeah,” Kelly says, sitting down beside him. One of Claire’s boys runs past them, his face painted to look like a cat. “Everyone’s having a blast.”

Ed glares at a scarecrow on the far wall, and then shakes his head. “It’s just — he’s so damn good at this. How is this fair?” 

Kelly smiles. “You remember what Isaac was like when you first arrived on this ship?”

“A pedantic, self-important pain in the ass. Just like he is now. Why?”

“Can you see that Isaac spending two weeks organizing a Halloween event?”

“Maybe not,” Ed admits. 

“He’s learning about us.” Kelly’s smiling, like she planned this. “He’s considering what will make humans happy.”

Across the room, Isaac is talking to Claire’s kids, bending down so he’s on their level. Kelly’s right, Ed realizes — this isn’t something Isaac would have done when they first met. Isaac’s changing.

He’s _evolving_.

“He wants you to take next turn in the dunk tank,” Kelly says, getting up. “Hope you brought your water-proof uniform.”

Ed groans. “Fine. But I’m not going to enjoy it.”

While he’s waiting for his turn in the dunk tank, Ed gets himself a mug of hot cider from Isaac’s special event menu on the matter synthesizer. It’s perfect — just warm enough, the cider apple-y and tart, with just a hint of cinnamon. Ed finds himself wondering if Isaac’s found a way to experience taste, or if he’s just become adept at filtering information from human sources.

“Captain!” Isaac comes up to him. “Did Commander Grayson explain your role in the festivities?”

“If you mean, did she tell me, you’re going to dump me in the water the second I get into that death trap? Yeah. She did.”

Isaac’s face is impassive, as ever, but he cocks his head to the side, the way Ed’s learned he does when he’s thinking about things. “It was not my idea, Captain. Commander Grayson said placing a crew member of high status into the tank to be dunked was a common practice among humans during bonding rituals such as this.”

Next to the tank, Ed sees Alara lifting the side of the tank, so Bortus can get out. Beside them, Kelly’s hefting a softball, tossing in the air like she’s memorizing the weight of it. 

Ed remembers, suddenly, that Kelly pitched on her high school softball team.

Kelly, who mentioned the corn maze and the fact that it was almost Halloween back on Earth. 

Ed shakes his head and moves into position to get into the tank. His XO moves in mysterious ways.


End file.
